when will all this pain end?

I wish.

I wish I could be phenomenal at something, just so I could prove everyone wrong. But that's pretty much impossible.
I am, and always will be, just a regular girl, with regular hopes and dreams, and a regular life.
I am not brilliant. I am not talented. I am not beautiful.
I'm just average.
And I am so scared that that is what I will always be.

another night.

All alone again, because no one can hang out, because everybody has plans, because I have no friends. That's really sad, but what's worse is that I'm already use to it.
I just want a friend that will be there for me if I call last minute, that I can talk about anything with, and not have to worry that I might tell someone else. Is that really too much to ask for?
I just want a friend that I can talk about anything and everything with, and not have to worry that they might tell someone else.
Is that really too much to ask for?

drowning.

Yes, that's what it feels like. Drowning. Or, perhaps, maybe falling. Being pulled this way and that with no control.
I'm so unhappy with everything. Depressed, maybe. And no one listens. No one cares. I sometimes wonder if the world would be a better place without me.
Would you care if I left? Would it even matter to you?
I have nothing. I have no one. I am no one. No one important, that is. No one that's ever done anything to help or change someone, which is what I aspire to be.
Last year was the best.
This year is the worst.
Borderline suicidal? That's right.
I have no idea what I want, or who I am, or who I'm going to be.
I'm so confused. Everybody is telling me what to do, and, meanwhile, I just want it to all stop. Silence doesn't even exist anymore.
I just know that I want this all to stop. The suffering, the sadness, the pain. Gone.
But it won't stop. It won't ever stop. And that's what I'm afraid of.
Death no longer scares me. I fear life.
I fear not being able to live my life to the fullest.
I fear that I will never be where I want to be.
I fear that I won't ever be happy.
I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm scared. And I don't like that.
I want to be happy, I really do. I try, but it doesn't work.
Sometimes, I wonder if stopping would fix it all.

Meeting Alex Gaskarth

So, a few days ago (5/3/2011) I went to see All Time Low on The Dirty Work Tour.
I had one Early Entry and after going in, Alex and Jack were still there from the Meet and Greet.
... And then I met them and it was the most amazing day of my life! <3

I'm so done with all this shit. I'm sick of all the fighting that goes down. I'm sick of the random periods of not talking. I'm sick of not knowing what's going on.

I want everything to be good again.
I want to be happy.

That's all.

~Lucy

bambooozle!

Guess who's officially going to Bamboozle.

...Obviously, I'm not going to make you guys guess, since this is my blog and I'm going to be mainly talking about myself. But it's my blog so that's not being conceited, k? Either read it or go home. Anyways, I will be going to Bamboozle on April 30th, which is the Saturday date because I'm not allowed to go on Friday and Saturday. :( But I'm happy to be going in the first place! Then on Tuesday, I'm going to see All Time Low on their Dirty Work tour at Nokia Theater in Manhattan. I think it's Times Square...?

If any of you readers see this and are going to either event, feel free to comment and let me know! I'd love to meet you guys there. (:

Love,
Lucy