when will all this pain end?

I wish.

I wish I could be phenomenal at something, just so I could prove everyone wrong. But that's pretty much impossible.
I am, and always will be, just a regular girl, with regular hopes and dreams, and a regular life.
I am not brilliant. I am not talented. I am not beautiful.
I'm just average.
And I am so scared that that is what I will always be.

another night.

All alone again, because no one can hang out, because everybody has plans, because I have no friends. That's really sad, but what's worse is that I'm already use to it.
I just want a friend that will be there for me if I call last minute, that I can talk about anything with, and not have to worry that I might tell someone else. Is that really too much to ask for?
I just want a friend that I can talk about anything and everything with, and not have to worry that they might tell someone else.
Is that really too much to ask for?

drowning.

Yes, that's what it feels like. Drowning. Or, perhaps, maybe falling. Being pulled this way and that with no control.
I'm so unhappy with everything. Depressed, maybe. And no one listens. No one cares. I sometimes wonder if the world would be a better place without me.
Would you care if I left? Would it even matter to you?
I have nothing. I have no one. I am no one. No one important, that is. No one that's ever done anything to help or change someone, which is what I aspire to be.
Last year was the best.
This year is the worst.
Borderline suicidal? That's right.
I have no idea what I want, or who I am, or who I'm going to be.
I'm so confused. Everybody is telling me what to do, and, meanwhile, I just want it to all stop. Silence doesn't even exist anymore.
I just know that I want this all to stop. The suffering, the sadness, the pain. Gone.
But it won't stop. It won't ever stop. And that's what I'm afraid of.
Death no longer scares me. I fear life.
I fear not being able to live my life to the fullest.
I fear that I will never be where I want to be.
I fear that I won't ever be happy.
I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm scared. And I don't like that.
I want to be happy, I really do. I try, but it doesn't work.
Sometimes, I wonder if stopping would fix it all.

Meeting Alex Gaskarth

So, a few days ago (5/3/2011) I went to see All Time Low on The Dirty Work Tour.
I had one Early Entry and after going in, Alex and Jack were still there from the Meet and Greet.
... And then I met them and it was the most amazing day of my life! <3

I'm so done with all this shit. I'm sick of all the fighting that goes down. I'm sick of the random periods of not talking. I'm sick of not knowing what's going on.

I want everything to be good again.
I want to be happy.

That's all.

~Lucy

bambooozle!

Guess who's officially going to Bamboozle.

...Obviously, I'm not going to make you guys guess, since this is my blog and I'm going to be mainly talking about myself. But it's my blog so that's not being conceited, k? Either read it or go home. Anyways, I will be going to Bamboozle on April 30th, which is the Saturday date because I'm not allowed to go on Friday and Saturday. :( But I'm happy to be going in the first place! Then on Tuesday, I'm going to see All Time Low on their Dirty Work tour at Nokia Theater in Manhattan. I think it's Times Square...?

If any of you readers see this and are going to either event, feel free to comment and let me know! I'd love to meet you guys there. (:

Love,
Lucy

ilml.

S: What kind of music do you like to listen to?
L: Good music.

lately

I've been really depressed lately. I just feel like either I'm too good for the people around me, or, in a few cases, I'm not good enough. I just don't know what's right and what's wrong. I can't afford to associate with the people who I believe are worth my time - literally - and my trying to is killing me.

I just want some answers. I want to know if what I'm doing is right, wrong, or if it even matters! I just hate the majority of the people around me.

Some of them I thought were pretty cool at first, but then I realized how BORING they were. How gross they were. And just how they just weren't good enough.

Then I began to notice how the "cool" people were, well, cool. But I still don't see how they're cool to the extent that they are.

I mean, I just don't understand people. I don't understand myself. I want everything to be clear for one moment, just so I can try to find my way.

I've been so down lately I can't even remember what being up feels like. I'm just annoyed with EVERYONE around me. I'm sick and tired of everything.

I want to stop thinking these thoughts.
I want to stop feeling these feelings.
I want to stop hearing these voices.
I just want something I can believe in. I want something that I know is right in every possible way.
Underneath it all, I just want to be hopelessly, endlessly, forever happy.

~Lucy

NEVER SAY NEVER

Today, I went to see Justin Bieber's new movie Never Say Never, not really knowing what to expect. After watching it, I realized that it's kind of amazing and I like Justin Bieber.
I know what you're thinking. "Oh my God, she's switched over to the dark side!"
But trust me, I'm all good. Same person. Only I like the Biebz.
I just realized that he's not as bad as everyone says he is. He's just a kid like me, trying to make it big and make his dreams come true. He really inspires me, and I like that.

Never Say Never ;)
~Lucy

alone.

Once again, I am alone. Sitting on my MacBook Pro. On a Friday night.

OMG MY LIFE IS SO INTERESTING RIGHT??? 

Meh. I have a swim meet later so hopefully that shall provide some entertainment. 

immagodeuces

Ooh la la!

I'm currently listening to really bad French music because Madame said so.
I don't understand it. I don't like it. And it just sucks, okay?
I'm so glad that I live in America where there's actually good music around,
If you look hard enough.

Here are French songs for you to listen to if you're really bored.
Otherwise, I would not recommend that you listen to these songs,
But I felt the need to include them since I mentioned them.
(I also gave comments on the songs if you're interested.)

Click here to listen to Benjamin Biolay!: How the hell did this guy win best male artist in the 2010 Music Awards in France? This song is freaking depressing.

Click here to listen to the musical stylings of Olivia Ruiz: She won best female artist, and I'm just going to say that this is good because she's way better than Benjamin Biolay, even though her music still isn't that good.

Click here for the most original song, by Coeur De Pirate: Okay, I'll admit that this song is okay. Maybe even good. But I still don't like French music. This is the best out of the bunch.


Click here to listen to "urban music": LOLWUT!?!? who the fuck would listen to this shit?

Click here to listen to Kool Shen: I'm convinced that these people named themselves "Kool Shen" because they think it's cool and gangster. Correction: GANGSTA.

I can't even listen to this anymore. I hope you enjoy, and I promise I'll never write about French music ever again. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. I think I'll just go now.

Love,
Lucy

Love Will Tear Us Apart

This is such a depressing title, considering that Valentine's Day is tomorrow...
But I'm single and February 14th is just going to be another Monday,
So why should I care?



When routine bites hard,
And ambitions are low
And resentment rides high,
But emotions won't grow, 
And we're changing our ways, 
Taking different roads. 


P.S. I personally like The Cure's cover of "Love Will Tear Us Apart. If you don't, go on YouTube where you can listen to the original or multiple covers (i.e. Fall Out Boy, New Order, Susanna and the Magical Orchestra). The options are endless!

a day in the life*

welllllz today was not a good day for me at all.

I found out that my averages two classes were pretty much terrible. My overall average is currently a 94.88 so if I miss Honors with Distinction by .1 of a point, I will fucking murder someone.

Just now, my father went through all of my stuff looking for the house phone which he misplaced because he's the only person in the house that fucking uses the house phone like ever and I'm telling him it's not in my room and to stop messing up my stuff and going through it and he won't stop and I got mad at him to get out so he's fucking screaming at me now to stop while he's the one that's fucking ruining everything!

I might not go to the Bamboozle for all 3 days because my mother is annoying.

Oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure that I will never find a boyfriend.

kbyeeeeeeeeee (;
lucy

sick & snow.

Being sick is bad enough. 

Being sick on a snow day is the worst. 

Last I checked, I have lost 5 pounds from puking and eating nothing.

Yippee!

New Year, New Resolutions

It's 2011 - woo-hoo! I don't really get why people say "Happy New Year!" because I'm pretty sure that it's impossible to be happy for 365 days straight. A day? Maybe. A week? Possibly. But an entire year? I don't think so! So, I hope that everybody lives to see 2012. 

While I'm here, I might as well list some resolutions. Here yah go: 

1. Blog weekly, because doing this daily is pretty much impossible. 
2. Meet All Time Low - any members really, preferably Alex Gaskarth. 
3. Find a boyfriend (this probably isn't happening). 
4. Reach 1000 followers on Tumblr (ohgoditslucy.tumblr.com - follow me ;D) 
5. Stop complaining, making fun of people, and generally being mean (or do these things less often.)
6. Travel to Europe or Asia. 
7. Get on the Principal's List at school. 
8. Find one true best friend that really understands me. 
9. Run a mile in under 7 minutes. 
10. Stop biting my nails. 
11. Start vlogging!

See what I did here? 2011 - 11 goals. Yeah, you probably don't care. 

Now, none of these things are guaranteed to happen. 

But I'm going to try, okay? 

Deuces, 

Lucy