lately

I've been really depressed lately. I just feel like either I'm too good for the people around me, or, in a few cases, I'm not good enough. I just don't know what's right and what's wrong. I can't afford to associate with the people who I believe are worth my time - literally - and my trying to is killing me.

I just want some answers. I want to know if what I'm doing is right, wrong, or if it even matters! I just hate the majority of the people around me.

Some of them I thought were pretty cool at first, but then I realized how BORING they were. How gross they were. And just how they just weren't good enough.

Then I began to notice how the "cool" people were, well, cool. But I still don't see how they're cool to the extent that they are.

I mean, I just don't understand people. I don't understand myself. I want everything to be clear for one moment, just so I can try to find my way.

I've been so down lately I can't even remember what being up feels like. I'm just annoyed with EVERYONE around me. I'm sick and tired of everything.

I want to stop thinking these thoughts.
I want to stop feeling these feelings.
I want to stop hearing these voices.
I just want something I can believe in. I want something that I know is right in every possible way.
Underneath it all, I just want to be hopelessly, endlessly, forever happy.

~Lucy